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Cotton Hill
Colonel (Cotton) Lyndal Hill (September 15,1927- November 11, 2007) was a character in the animated series King of the Hill. He was the father of Hank Hill, Good Hank Hill or "G.H.", and Junichiro (his illegitimate half-Japanese son). He was also a World War II veteran who had his shins "blowed off by a Japanman's machine gun" in combat, and later had his feet attached to his knees. This made him a foot shorter than his fellow family members and caused a characteristic waddle (according to Hank, Cotton was 6' 4" (1.93 m) with his shins, 5' 0" even (1.52m) without). Despite his disability, he eventually reached the rank of Colonel in the Texas State Militia, and was addressed as such by his friends. Cotton was voiced by Toby Huss. Military service Cotton was zealously proud of his military service record and his status as a war hero, although he tended to exaggerate his exploits. He claims he killed "fitty (50) men" during the war. He consistently reminded everyone within earshot about how he lost his shins during World War II: "I was 14, just a little older than Bobby. But I knew Uncle Sam needed me, so I lied and signed up. We had beat the Nazzy's in Italy, and they shipped us to the Pacific theater. A Tojo torpedo sent our troop ship to the bottom. I could only save three of my buddies: Fatty, Stinky, and Brooklyn. They were kind of like you fellas [[Bill Dauterive|Bill], Dale, and Boomhauer], only one of them was from Brooklyn. Out of the sun came a Tojo Zero and put fitty bullets in my back. The blood attracted sharks. I had to give 'em Fatty. Then things took a turn for the worse. I made it to an island, but it was full of Tojos! They were spitting on the U.S. flag! So I rushed 'em, but it was a trap. They opened fire and blew my shins off. Last thing I remember, I beat 'em all to death with a big piece of Fatty. I woke up in a field hospital, and they were sewing my feet to my knees." He referred to the Japanese as "Tojos," a slur not unlike Jap and doubtless deriving from war-time Japanese Prime Minister and General Hideki Tojo. He would also refer to the Nazis as "Nazzys." If Cotton's story is to be believed, he was born around 1927 (jobs), making him about 70 in the first season of the show. In a third season episode, Hank says Cotton is 74. He also claimed to have fought in both Munich and Okinawa within days of each other, but later admitted to not fighting in Munich. Based upon Cotton's uniform in the episode "Returning Japanese", he earned the following military decorations: Medal of Honor, Purple Heart, and American Campaign Medal. In the episode "When Cotton Comes Marching Home", his Silver Star is displayed in a case at the VFW. Cotton states in a sixth season episode that he served with the U.S. Army's 77th Infantry Division. He also tells many stories about his service (although many of them may be untrue or exaggerated): Solomon Islands In Cotton's Plot, he tells Peggy a story about his service on the Solomon Islands, where his unit was pinned down by Japanese machine gun fire, so he snuck into a Japanese fifty-five gallon drum of sake, and then, when the Japanese were drunk, he spit it all out into his lighter, and "hibachid" the whole squad. Guadalcanal In the episode Yankee Hankee, Cotton said he served on Guadalcanal with his buddy Stinky, and it rained for 17 days. Anzio On January 30, 1944, Cotton said he and his unit invaded Anzio, and they caught the Krauts "with their pants down and their schnitzel exposed". He said they captured the beach by noon, and the town by nightfall. Normandy Cotton said he climbed the cliffs of Normandy with a fifty-pound ice cream maker on his back in Cotton's Plot. Saipan In When Cotton Comes Marching Home Again, Cotton claims to have led a platoon of men through the jungles of Saipan. Guam In 1944, Cotton claims to have been on Guam, and crawled through a minefield to retrieve General MacArthur's corn cob pipe. This story was told in Cotton's Plot. Philippines Cotton said that he served on the Philippines in Unfortunate Son. Iwo Jima In Revenge of the Lutefisk, Cotton claims to have spend two weeks under a pile of bodies on Iwo Jima. Also, in Unfortunate Son, he and Topsy demonstrate a bayonet technique Topsy used to gut a kamikazee on Iwo Jima. This is interesting, as the Marines, not the Army, fought on Iwo Jima. Munich In Cotton's Plot, Cotton claims to have fought in Munich on April 30, 1945, but later realizes he didn't. Okinawa Cotton says that he served on Okinawa in Cotton's Plot, and says on May 2, 1945, he invented a bayonet technique that the army still uses today. P.O.W. Camp Cotton was captured at an unknown time by the Japanese, and put in a bamboo rat cage. He had to eat rats, but let the last one live so he could eat its droppings. He called it "Jungle Rice", and said it "tasted fine". By September, he was skinny enough to slip through the bars, and strangled the guard with a string made of braided rat tails, and ran to safety. (Cotton's Plot) He had also learned to stop his heartbeat, so the Japanese would stop torturing him for a moment, probably at the P.O.W. camp (Death Picks Cotton), and claimed that he only cried when the Japanese tore off his fingernails. (Returning Japanese) Miscellaneous Cotton severed the windpipe of a German corporal with a two foot strand of dental floss he kept in his boot. (The Final Shinsuit) He survived on a life raft by trapping rain water in his upturned eye lid. (Cotton's Plot) Family Relationships His second wife was a hospital volunteer Deirdre "Didi" Hill, who is around the same age as Hank. Hank and Didi went to kindergarten together (according to episode 1-08, "Shins of the Father"). Cotton's relationship with Hank was strained; while Hank seemed to have a deep reverence (and fear) of his father, he stood up to Cotton on several occasions. Cotton also became depressed (and enraged) by the fact that he and Hank did not have a good relationship, once going homicidally insane when Hank said that he hates him. In spite of all this, however, Cotton never hesitated to refer to Hank as "My Boy," and on several occasions tried to help him (such as when Kahn and Minh were befouling his house). Interestingly enough, Cotton appears to have a good relationship with Bobby. It can be assumed that Cotton tries to make up for his own strained relationship with his son by having a close relationship with his grandson. He once conceded that Hank was a better father than himself, stating Hank "made Bobby. I only made you." Cotton shows that he is proud of Bobby and supports him. Once contemplating suicide, Cotton confides in Bobby and gives him a letter of recommendation for the army and thus irking Hank. Cotton often tries to pass on his misogynistic views to Bobby, even going so far as to try to buy him a hooker once, although Hank and Peggy are always able to reverse the damage. Cotton demonstrates his affection for Bobby in numerous instances. In "How to Fire a Rifle Without Really Trying", he comes to watch Bobby and Hank shoot in a father-son shooting competition, stating, "I'm always here to support my Bobby." In "Revenge of the Lutefisk", Cotton even goes so far as to take the blame for Bobby after Bobby confesses he was the one who burned down the church and Didi reveals to Bobby that Cotton told her that if their unborn child turned out as good as Bobby, he wouldn't abandon it. In "Death Picks Cotton" Hank stated that, "My dad doesn't love a lot of things but he does love Bobby." Cotton may or may not have a high sperm count. Cotton has fathered three (known of) boys, first being from a love affair in Japan durning the war with a Japanese Nurse. The second being Hank, from his first marriage. Then the third being with his second wife Didi, when he was well into his seventies, which is uncommon and was also (as told by Cotton) conceived through two condoms. It's also odd that while Cotton has a great talent in fathering children, his first two children have trouble conceiving as they have narrow uerthras, so the chances of his third having it is high. Personality Cotton was consistently a misogynistic, violent, abusive and intolerant character. He talked down to women, berated his son, was prone to violent outbursts, and on more than one occasion has exhibited homicidal tendencies. His abrasive, misogynistic manner was consistently embarrassing for Hank and usually infuriating for Hank’s wife, Peggy. Throughout his history on the series, Cotton never once addressed Peggy by name, but he instead called her "Hank’s wife", which was used as a running gag, including on the very rare occasion he's trying to be nice to her ("Cotton's Plot"). He even passed on some of his sexist and misogynistic traits to Bobby at one point, teaching him that women should be made to cook and clean for their husbands all day long. On rare occasions, Cotton showed a vulnerable side that he normally kept hidden: he realizes that he was a terrible father, hates himself for growing old and becoming disabled, and readily admits that he would die to protect his grandson, Bobby ("Revenge of the Lutefisk"). Cotton also demonstrated a rough, demanding and often abusive but at times inspirational leadership. He admits to Hank that he always wanted to win in battle but accepted defeat when his men did their best. Through tough love and intense physical therapy, Cotton also helped Peggy walk again after a debilitating skydiving accident. Hank was initially wary of this, because he feared that Cotton was simply taking advantage of Peggy's brief disability in order to humiliate her. Death In the episode "Cotton Picks Death", Cotton is badly injured at a Japanese steakhouse. While climbing onto a grill table, Cotton slips and suffers burns, a hip fracture, and torn ligaments in his knee/ankle. He is also diagnosed with an infection of the esophagus after ingesting a piece of shrimp (to which he is highly allergic). It is also discovered that Cotton had four rusty bullets in his back (one of which on in his heart). While in the hospital, Cotton also suffers a heart attack, but somehow survives. He stays alive long enough to torment Hank and Peggy by slowing his heartrate and mimicing death (a trick he learned in a Japanese POW camp to escape torture). While Peggy is visiting with Cotton, she states that she hopes Cotton could live forever in the friendless, spiteful existence he created for himself. Cotton replies, "Do you now?" and dies immediately after. Hank comes into the room soon after. Peggy does not tell Hank of the final exchange they had, but instead lies and tells Hank that Cotton spoke kindly of him. The final scene of the episode shows Hank, Bill, Boomhauer, and Dale gathered in Hank's backyard, in front of a newly finished shed which Dale Gribble promptly blows up per request by Cotton. A separate deathbed request by Cotton to have his head detached from his body and mailed to the emperor of Japan is not honored; Hank planned to honor the request until Peggy lied to him and said Cotton had rescinded it right before his death. Neither Didi nor G.H. appear in the "Cotton Picks Death" episode nor is his Painting shown. Fox published the following obituary for Cotton: :Cotton Hill, age 82, World War II veteran, died Sunday in a Texas VA Hospital. Hill suffered from several injuried ranging from four rusty bullets lodged in his back (one in his heart) from his military service, a broken hip and torn ligaments in his ankle-knees, to an infection in his esophagus and severe burns caused by a freak shrimp accident that occurred earlier this week at Tokyaki's Japanese restaurant. Hill leaved behind sons Hank Hill and G.H. (short for "Good Hank"); daughter-in-law Peggy Hill; grandson Bobby Hill; ex-wife Tilly; second wife Didi; first love and former Japanese lover Michiko; an illegitimate Japanese son, Junichiro; and nephew Dusty Hill (of band ZZ Top). Posthumous In the season thirteen episode "Serves Me Right For Giving General George S. Patton The Bathroom Key", Hank receives a box of his father's old possessions from Didi, who reveals that she is engaged to a wealthy professional wrestler. Hank reads through the list of insane tasks, the last of which is flushing his father's ashes down a toilet which George S. Patton once used (which contradicts an earlier episode where Cotton, with Peggy's help, successfully fought to be buried the Texas State Cemetery). Hank follows through with the deed. Gallery 555650588_l.jpg|Cotton: The War Hero Cotton_Hill.jpg|Spinning Hank a yarn of a story. Hankcotton.jpg|Cotton Hill on his death bed. Trivia * He is seen to have a good eye as he was able to tell Kahn was Laotian at first sight, where it was a running gag early in the series that everyone believe he was Chinese or Japanese. * Some episodes seem to have implied that Cotton had a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or a condition of the like. For example, in "Next of Shin", his fear and insecurity of becoming a father again combined with visions of seeing babies as Nazis and Japanese soldiers. In Death Picks Cotton, he gets another flashback, this time only mentally heard as aerial bombs, while watching the Spanish-speaking chef prepare a dish with salt and pepper mills (that he claimed were "Tojo whomping sticks"). * Cotton had Peggy sercure him a grave spot in the Texas State Cementery. Several seasons later however, his will instructed his son Hank to flush his cremated ashes down a toilet once used by George S. Patton as a tradition among his war buddies, causing a bit of a continuity snarl. * If Cotton has a nephew, Dusty Hill, it is stated by Cotton in the episode "Hank Gets Dusted" that ZZ-Top member Dusty Hill is "his brother's son" this would make Cotton the fictional brother of Dusty's father. * He seems to be stronger than Hank as in "Nine Pretty Darn Angry Men" he pushed the door aside when Hank tried to close it. * In the second episode of "Return Japanese," Cotton claims to have slept with 273 women. Given his penchant for prostitutes, this could be true. Category:Deceased Category:Characters Category:Soda Category:Villains Category:Hills Category:Mention characters